Just keep swimming

Do you ever look at your life and try to see it from the perspective of your younger self?

Mainly because you remember how you used to look at people your age and how much awe and respect you had for them... So old and mature.

Is that really where you are? You don't feel any different...

One minute you're 8 years old looking up at the twenty somethings then BAM everything is happening so fast!

College, career, marriage, babies... (or any combination and not necessarily in that order).

When I asked my grandmother (who is in her late 80s) when she started noticing that she was aging she responded that it wasn't until her husband, my grandfather, died a few years ago. 

That baffles me. 

In some way or another we stay young inside, unaware that time has passed and changed us (physically, mentally, emotionally).

We forget that we ever didn't know how to function as adults (but be aware that I use the term "function" loosely).

Let's face it, "adulting" didn't become a thing because it's easy.

Think for a second, though.

Can you really believe how far you have come? Just look at you! Succeeding and stuff. You rock.

You have made it this far, really you can do whatever you put your mind to. Sure, there are learning curves, monetary barriers, relationship troubles, and other things that make life more difficult. But haven't you made it this far?

The past may not be pretty but it IS in the past. Over. Done with.

Look to the future. 

Improvement and success don't have to happen immediately. It took your whole life to get where you are today and you're not done yet.

Just like when you were a kid imagining what it would be like to be where you are today, someday you'll think back to where you are now.

Be proud; if not of the success you've already had, of the success you will have.

Perfectionism: The Secret Monster

Perfectionism. It's blessing and a curse.

Mostly a curse.

I am finding it slowly creeping into all the crevices of my life. It's perfectly painted finger nails digging into my brain and sending impulses to nit pick at everything.

I have discovered that my need for perfection is creating an obsession with contingency plans for all possible scenarios. Unfortunately, this makes me feel like I need to plan for everything that could go wrong before I can do anything at all.

I need to loosen up. I'm starting to feel like a real stick in the mud.

I especially can't handle when plans change and I didn't make any plans for it. 

Two words.

Worst. Nightmare.

My brain scrambles to reassess the new situation and go through the entire process that I had taken at least a week to think through before.

I can no longer register emotion on my face because my brain can only do so much at once. For the next 5-10 minutes I'm stuck with only responding in "okay"s and "no, yeah, I'm fine with that"s.

Lies.

I'm not fine with it.

I need notice!

Planning isn't the only area of my life that perfection's perfect teeth have smiled over.

School has also felt the effects. 

You may be thinking, "School? Well isn't perfectionism good to have when in school and trying to do well?" Not really. In fact, it makes doing well an ultimatum. 

Either I do it perfectly, or not at all. 

Very quickly perfectionism turns into the looming monster of procrastination.

Of course my brain reasons that if I save something for the last second then my only option is to finish it without obsessing over it being perfect. Then, ultimately, it saves time.

Unfortunately it doesn't save stress. I got stress to spare because of how close I cut it to my deadlines. 

Perfectionism has put me under so much stress that my trust in other people is tainted too; in a "no offense but I've thought about this much more than you" sort of way. 

So here it is. My confession. 

"Hi, my name is Joy, and I'm addicted to perfection." But 2018 is my year, and I'm going cold turkey...

Okay so probably not cold turkey, but I want to learn how to roll with the punches, submit assignments in a timely manner without obsessing, and trust other people to make decisions without questioning them.

Is that so much to ask? 

By the way, as my first act of non-perfectionism, I'm submitting this post without re-reading it over three times. Look at me go!

"Senioritis"

Seniors.

Highschool, college, or the kind with dentures, all have the same look behind their eyes.

Done with trying too hard and kinda bored.

I am in my senior year at college and I feel it, I see it, I could recognize it anywhere.

I look at the freshmen, their bright eyes and anticipation, down my nose but with just a smidge of jealousy.

They are so put together. They plan their outfits, shower in the morning, put on makeup, maybe even do their assigned reading.

How?

I wash my hair twice a week at most. Not to be gross, but dry shampoo is my savior, and baby, I'm a believer.

I used to wing my eyeliner every day my first year in college. Every day. People ask me now how I'm so good at it and I just look back at how many makeup wipes I went through and how early I had to wake up... Think about how many times I could have hit the 'Snooze'... (sigh)

Now, I'm lucky if I put on mascara yesterday cause at least I'll have some leftover for today.

On the scholastic side of things I've declined too. I'm not worse off but I definitely don't try so hard.

I used to do the whole thing: notes, colored highlighters, sticky notes, reading...

Now, "studying" means maybe skimming the chapter, or googling someone else's quizlet to look over on the drive to school the morning of the test.

Outfits have transitioned from blouses or dresses with coordinating jewelry to t-shirts and jeans or leggings. One school day of freshman year past I even wore heels. Woah.

Of course there are other factors that contribute to indifference as we transition out of these phases of our lives.

I have found myself in a serious relationship and already know, or know of, most people at my small, private university. There aren't many people I care to make a certain impression on anymore in my school environment.

I also value sleep a lot more than beauty these days. Although I could say that valuing sleep is, in it's own way, valuing beauty... sorta. (beauty sleep? is that really a thing? I never manage to wake up more beautiful than how I went to sleep)

So maybe seniors are too complacent about how much we don't care anymore. Maybe freshmen try too hard. Maybe it's not a problem just a phase of life. Whatever it is, I'm not gonna worry too much.

Senior year is usually only that. Just a year. Then on to our next adventure.

Let's go around and introduce ourselves!

It's the same every semester in a new class with new people.

"Let's go around the room and everyone introduce yourself, tell us your major, and one other fact about yourself."

The statement that makes just about every college student roll their eyes into the back of their brain and start to scrape the barrel for an appropriate fact.

It's the conundrum of trying to not sound like everyone else. Not everyone can say they like to binge Netflix. That get's a little old after the second and third person. You can't say you like to get out in nature because the girl a couple people ahead of you just said that. You can't say you enjoy nights on the town drinking because... well, you probably could, but I can't cause I'm at a Christian college that would frown on me for this popular pastime.

*Side story: I once got a giant wine glass as a secret Santa gift and my professor just about passed out over it.*

Don't sound too much like other people, but also don't sound super different from everyone else or you might get labeled.

Geez, we can't leave these worries in the past, even if we mature. Our brain still worries about them if we're trying to make some sort of impression (but not too much of an impression).

Well, I'm generalizing, but my brain definitely overthinks it.

In my mind, an impression is all we have. It's not so much who we really are inside, it's how we are perceived and how we present ourselves to form this perception.

On the bright side, we can be transparent and have ourselves perceived how we are on the inside, but that is a vulnerable position to take. If we are judged on how we form the perception of ourselves to others then we don't have to take so much offense since we can tell ourselves, "well, they just didn't really know me."

But really, whose fault is that?

In contrast, if we are transparent and judged for who we really are, the sting is much worse. We may begin to doubt our character and qualities.

To be honest, in some cases, we probably should. But this is not true for all cases of judgement by any means.

Sometimes people judge merely because they are self-conscious of their own shortcomings. So even if we are judged when being honest and transparent about presenting ourselves we should not let that stop us from doing so.

As opposed to changing how we are perceived, perhaps consider changing how you actually are if you are so concerned about it.

Afraid people think you're a bitch? Maybe stop being a bitch. Stop word vomiting and consider what you say before you say it.

This applies to men too. Don't be a jerk. Show some chivalry once in a while and remember your "please" and "thank you"s.

I digress; Now back to the classroom. I understand the feeling you may get when being called on to answer those simple introduction questions.

Do I even do anything? My hobbies really are naps and Netflix...  As a student I don't have much time (or more importantly, money) to do anything else.

My solution?


I don't have one. But don't underestimate yourself (or your creative power) ;) Not that I'm telling you to make it up or anything...

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue...

Ah the ever discussed, loved, and hated discussion of Valentines Day.

Honestly I don't hate it despite the fact that I've never been able to really celebrate it with someone special. I look forward to that aspect of it in the future.

In the meantime, I will ever celebrate the day AFTER.

February 15th.

Chocolate Discount Day as I have so named it.

But, for now let's rewind back to the actual day.

Yes it's mushy and overly publicized and I don't think that sweet gestures like the things people do on Valentines Day should only be confined to one day but it's nice and I enjoy seeing the love being shared.

Yes, yes I'm a romantic.

Sue me.

However, I do have a single pet peeve (Pun intended).

So, every week we get fresh flowers delivered to the office where I work. They brighten the place up and they smell pretty so I enjoy having them around.

Unfortunately, since Valentines Day is at the end of this week we got a BIG bouquet of a dozen roses.

Don't get me wrong, it's absolutely gorgeous.

But it's only Wednesday and I've already lost count of how many old people have asked me things like...

"Ohhh how lovely, who got these???" *Twinkle in their eye and figurative teasing elbow jab*

"Are these YOURS???" *Kindly smile that says "Ah young love"*

No.

No no no.

And eveytime I say, "No they're for the office" I get one of these numbers...

"Oh no I can't believe that. They have to be for you."

Um, no they don't.

But I've found that mentioning the "S" word (Single) to older folks evokes a sort of response as though you have a problem that can and must be fixed.

"But you're such a catch!"

Yes, but I'm not a fish.

I love being single. Sure I look forward to my future and whoever that includes but for right now they haven't made an entrance yet and I'm perfectly happy "wild and free" so to speak.

Valentines Day doesn't have to just be for lovers. Tell your family and friends you love them. Tell yourself. Tell Jesus :)

Have a LOVEly day!

Introverted Extrovert

Are you an Introvert or an Extrovert?

One little question we ask ourselves or get asked whenever we are curious about self discovery.

Our human minds are always seeking things to associate ourselves with whether it have to do with mind, body or soul.

Introvert or Extrovert. A simple 50/50.

Or not.

I don't really believe that people can be 100% anything. We are a beautiful rainbow of traits and characteristics that cannot be copied.

So back to the question.

I'll answer is for myself but first let me tell you a little about me and how I operate.

I find it hard to gather the motivation to purposely place myself in a highly stimulating social setting.

Once I'm out someplace I can play the part of "Happy to be here" and may even enjoy myself but believe me when I say getting home and winding down will probably be one of my favorite parts of the evening.

It's not that I'm antisocial.

I love people! 

Put me one on one with someone and I will talk life for hours. I'll listen and respond accordingly and give encouragement and empathy with all my heart. 

When I ask "What's up?" I mean it. It's not just a friendly greeting. Please, tell me what you are up to. I'd like to know because I care about you. Nothing pains me more than hearing (or reading) the response "Not much." I know I shouldn't take it personally but sometimes I do.

Same goes for "How are you?".

What does it take to convey to people that I genuinely care.

Looking at it from the other end...

How can I trust you to care about me when I answer such a question honestly?

The doubts run through my mind. 

"They just asked how I am and honestly, I'm doing terribly. Today has been the worst and I'm going through a bunch of stuff lately. Would they even care about that?"

So instead we answer,

"I'm good, how are you?"

It's difficult from both ends.

So, instead of going to a gathering and starting a whole bunch of small talk to meet people I stand quietly by and observe the interactions around me, feeling out the personalities and mannerisms of those I am surrounded by at the moment. I then dial down my real personality according to the set standard placed by the attendees. 

Chameleon status reached.

Am I an Introvert or an Extrovert?

I am both. 

No doubt my scale leans towards the "Introvert" end these days but those who know me are well aware of a crazy and wild side I enjoy showing when I feel completely at ease.

The truth is...

I am quite decidedly an introverted extrovert.

I will stay inside my head until proven that it's safe to come out and be myself.

I do believe a lot of people can relate to this. Unfortunately society has set standards and although they tell you it's okay to just be you what they're really saying is," Be yourself as long as you are like this."

That is so freaking hard. Trying to have my personality fit society's standards burns me out. Nobody should have to dial down what beautifully unique personality they have to become accepted.

We all have to get to a place where we are comfortable showing people who we really are.

And I know it's hard. Trust me. I don't think I'll be changing drastically anytime soon. It's definitely something I aspire to though!

And know this. I wrote this for myself and if it applies to you GREAT! If not, at least you'll know a little bit about how my personality type seems to operate.

Thanks for reading :)

Adulthood? You're not welcome here.

I can't tell you how many times over the years in grade school that I wished for a life that consisted of ANYTHING other than school. Day in, Day out. You see, I was homeschooled so it's work at your own pace. Unfortunately, being the natural procrastinator I have always been, school was rarely only a few hours and many things would just continue to be carried over for days and weeks.

So many years of grade school.

And yet...

I am now employed full time. 9-5.

Why?

I took a semester off college to figure out what I want to do exactly. Which I have successfully done.

This time off has made me realize something very important.

I miss it!

There. I said it, Mom.

I miss school.

Wasn't sure that would ever be possible.

It's just no fun to be that one stick in the mud of a new found adult life while your friends are off at different universities meeting new people, doing new things, and progressing towards a degree.

It's hard.

I'm definitely gaining real life experience which, let's face it, college doesn't really give you. This has helped me in determining the route I plan to take for college, and although it's nothing spectacular it will give me what I will need in a career in the future to support myself.

And NO STUDENT LOANS.

That really is one of the most important things to me.

What will I be doing? Well, in February I begin a 5 month program to become a certified Esthetician.

(a.k.a. Facials specialist)

Pretty much all things facial beauty.

It will be a small night class consisting of 14 people that will meet 3 nights a week. If I'm lucky maybe there will be a gay guy to keep things interesting.

Now, I'm getting that certification just because I want it, not necessarily because I think i'll be able to make a lot of money with it.

My real degree starts this Fall. It's a two year degree for Opticianry.

Opticianry
n. 
The professional practice of filling prescriptions for ophthalmic lenses, dispensing eyeglasses, and fitting contact lenses.
(Dictionary.com)

In other words, it's in the medical field so it will always be needed but it doesn't actually involve me doing anything doctor-y. It's all technical basically.

One thing I keep asking myself, however...

How did I get here?

I find myself making the big decisions by myself. Part of that was necessity but part of it was also maturity and growth.

I feel like I'm somewhere that I don't belong. Like I'm still supposed to be dressing up like a princess and torturing my brother when he's stuck babysitting me.

A part of every single person in the world is still a child and I want that to always be true. 

As our minds and bodies mature and gather understanding and wisdom our hearts still hold onto the small child that just wants to wear their heart on their sleeve and play to their heart's content. We desire the innocence we have already lost. 

With adulthood comes responsibility upon responsibility and I realize that we tend to lose sight of the small things we were so sensitive to as children.

Kindness.

What if you greeted the adults you see like you greet a small child. Not in a patronizing way just full of genuine care. 

"Good morning! Wow your dress is so lovely today, is that new?"

"Hey, thank you so much for bringing those papers to me! That was so helpful."

"That was so nice what you did for that other person just now, you are very kind."

I have found it can be harder to get a friendly greeting from a busy adult than from an introverted highschooler. 

So no. Adulthood is not welcome here.

Maturity and kindness, yes. But adulthood? Nope. You can keep your grouchy, selfish self away from me :)

K thanks.

Junky Fitness

Many who know me well are aware that I am in favor of consuming most things excessively tasty. Cookies, ice cream, chips, and my most recent obsession... Popcorn.

If there was one picture that I felt so completely encapsulated my inner carnivorous being it would have to be Hyperbole and a Half's picture....

Anyhoo, on the side of the spectrum that is intended to cancel all that out...

Fitness.

I sincerely promise you that I have, at a couple of my weakest emotional points in the past, cried about working out. (Please take into account my previous anemia)

It't not that I'm a wuss. I just would rather have my three wishes from the genie. (R.I.P. Robin Williams)

I have, since that point, gained some emotional and physical stamina so I'm able and willing to try the whole fitness deal.

Now, take a step back and look at presented options for attempting to be physically fit.

1) Home Workout Routines.

Been there, tried that. I just don't have the self discipline to set aside time at home when I'm comfy being a potato.

2) Gym.

If I'm paying I will feel the obligation to go.
Downside?
Gym girls.
I mean seriously.
It's like I found the other place the skinny, white, blonde chicks in Starbucks congregate.

And yes there are other ways like biking and running.
I like biking a lot.

Running is definitely another story.
I tried it once.

Blood, sweat, and asthma.

Not. Pretty.

So, I made my decision to join the gym. As it turns out, you can avoid a lot of psycho gym people if you go on a Friday night when it's mostly only the few average people without dates utilizing the space.

At least I can usually provide some entertainment for the staff and members.
Struggling with 5 and 10 pound weights, it seems, can be quite amusing to onlookers.

But here's to all the people who enjoy fatty food but try and fail, and try and fail, and try and fail, etc. to do something to battle the onslaught of weight gain!
HOORAH for Junky Fitness!!!

We may not get it the first time.
We may not be perfect clean eaters.
We may take a bit longer to get there.
BUT WE WILL TRY!

And of course...

If at first you don't succeed, try try again :)

Insanity isn't all that bad...

I have realized that one must embrace the insanity that one cannot escape. For every one of us there is some sort of daunting task or accomplishment that gives our inner selves the symptoms of losing our sanity.

Sometimes it is because we are so busy accomplishing that task to do anything else.

And sometimes it's because we bit off more than we could chew when taking on the task in the first place.

For myself, the latter is true. 

When one must take college classes it helps to be knowledgeable as to what one is getting themself into. After having an entire semester of 4 classes under my belt I felt pretty confident when I registered for my second semester. However, I should have known better. 

A lab class, even though it is only one credit hour, has the same amount of work (if not more) as a regular 3 credit hour class.

I didn't know this when I registered.

So here I am swamped with work because I have 4 regular classes PLUS 2 labs.

You would think that by now I would know that giving up any attempt at a social life would be the wise thing to do but nooooo... I've decided to be stupid.

What's the point of insanity if you are never around any people to be frightened by it?

Display it for all to see! You've lost your dignity already so you might as well embrace it.

I know I have. I'm a bonafide nutcase. 

Now add a little insomnia to the mix.

On the average day I am either:

1) sleepy and unproductive all day or

2) temporarily hyper and talkative from coffee until it wears off and I become sleepy and unproductive

One of the only ways I can "handle" this lifestyle is by living one day at a time.

I can't look ahead a week.

I can't look ahead two days.

I do what I need to do one day at a time.

It sucks but one must cope with insanity some way or another.

My other way is with Nutella but we won't dwell on my unnecessary weight gain from high stress and chocolaty goodness.

Rendered Immobile

Let's take a break to look into my past. We shall go back even before the middle school phase where braces and acne to me were like taxes and a mortgage to an adult. We are going back to elementary school when my biggest concern was monsters and burglars.

Now don't feel sorry for my younger self while reading this. I have a very imaginative brain and when I was younger it ran rampant. No Joys were harmed in the making of this story.

I always feared going to bed. Always. I thought my strewn clothes were actually something trying to kill me, and don't even get me started on my closet doors.

One night in my childhood I woke up and got out of bed to go to the bathroom. Still sleepy and foggy eyed I stumbled into the bathroom and closed the door. I squeezed my eyes shut to turn on the light and slowly I opened them and became used to the bright florescents shining above me.

I finished up and washed my hands. I still had not thought of the time of night or the quiet throughout the rest of the house. I then turned to open the bathroom door...

Thoughts began racing through my head.

There is something right outside the door.

RIGHT THERE.

IT'S PROBABLY A GIANT SPIDER OR A CLOWN!

My hand hovered over the doorknob as I tried to pluck up my courage... I failed. I was frozen with fright. My eyes bulged as I listened for... well... nothing.

I slowly lowered myself onto the edge of the tub and sat as still as I could.

And there I sat.

For at least an hour I sat. The entire time I was trying to convince myself to open the door.

Of course there's nothing there. If I open the door there will be nothing there and I can go to be-- NO! WHAT IF THERE IS SOMETHING THERE?! THEN I'LL DIE!

It was a lost cause. I found some old towels and lined the tub with them so I could at least relax a little. I then lay down and... Fell asleep.

My dad found me the next morning curled up in the tub and, like a good dad, shut off the light and left me to sleep where I was.

Now I try to keep it a habit to sleep in my bed but there are sometimes when measures like this are necessary. I rest assured knowing that if there was a clown, or spider, or burglar outside my bathroom door... I SURE SHOWED 'EM!

More recently...

It was an especially terrible morning to be waking up. My alarm was blaring obnoxiously and I was groggy as all get out. I had started to climb down out of my loft bed when my foot slipped on the ladder...

WHOOOOOOSH!--SMACK!

Is this an acceptable way to start my morning?

So I went back to sleep. On my fizzy pink carpet. At the bottom of my ladder in a crumpled heap.

Now I don't wear socks to bed.

Fondue, I am Fond of You

Not even a week ago I remember commenting to someone that fondue was one of the silliest things I had ever heard of. I mean, melted cheese? And you eat it? I like cheese but...

Last night I went to a restaurant with a handful of my favorite people ever. It was a very high class fondue restaurant. My aunt and uncle paid for us cousins to enjoy a lovely dinner in honor of my cousin, the bride-to-be.

So... We (the six of us) were seated. We, of course, begin to discuss what we will be eating. 

"We'll be doing the four-course dinner," Bride announced. 

Go weak my heart for bliss that fills my soul.

STILL my doubt for cheese fondue is present in my mind so I am awaiting the first course tentatively. 

It arrived. Two fondue pots with two kinds of cheese. We all pulled forth our pokers and I wielded mine with gallant bravery as I stabbed a square of crusty bread and submerged it in the cheese.

Fondue by any other name would taste as delicious. I need not say any more about this melted wonder.

Second Course: Caesar Salad. Obviously delicious.

The third course was fun! We got to cook out own meat! 

But honestly. The fourth course was the best. CHOCOLATE FONDUE!

I dipped brownies in it. I dipped strawberries in it. I dipped cheesecake in it. I dipped rice krispies in it. I dipped red velvet cake in it. It was the most amazing chocolatey goodness in the entire world.

Take all the happiness you can imagine, multiply it by infinity, pour it into a bowl and add contentment and love, then bake it into a cake and eat it with happiness filling your heart, then take a nap. 

And that is how happy chocolate fondue makes a woman.

Dangit. Now I'm hungry.

Oxymorons and Candid Camera

So. Yesterday I completed yet another one of my music video thingy-ma-bobs.

Link Here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhFtjPfSxEM&feature=plcp

I never really thought about it before but just a few moments ago I started to. "Stop motion". Just that. Those words. Put together. I realized that as much as it makes sense in the way it is applied it really makes no sense at all when thought about.

Quite intriguing.

Anyhoo, on to something else.

Well, not entirely. I used the song "Fly" by Nicki Minaj for my music video.

For those of you who don't know, Nicki Minaj is the crazy rapper girl who stirs up a breeze with her fake eyelashes and gets hair color ideas from Crayola crayons. But hey, the song is catchy.

There is one small difference between this song and all my others however. It's sorta a rap.

Looking up the lyrics I was just like "Oh this is a relatively short song. Should be easy."

Half way through I was beginning to wonder if I would have to finish the pictures by candlelight. Daylight was fading fast.

Something to take into consideration: Rap songs have a lot more words condensed into a shorter amount of time.

Since you have probably never done what I do let me give you an example of how frantically I was taking pictures...

Step 1) Set wireless mouse on the floor
Step 2) Take pictures by clicking with your toe
Pros: You can use both hands to write up sticky notes and pose hand gestures and such
Cons: Your foot occasionally relaxes slightly and you end up taking accidental pictures of yourself, say... rubbing your nose?

Next thought: "What the heck?"

Yes folks that really does happen. 

...But really only to those of us who are brilliant enough to take pictures with our toes.

The Eight Legged (Pronounced "Leg-Ed") Beast

Here I sit. Heart pounding but the adrenaline wearing off.

It was a beast. I saw it as I entered my room. It had 8 legs and who knows how many eyes. It lurked in the shadows and awaited my approach. I immediately took action.

I grabbed my baton. My fighting baton. (My Rock Band drumstick). and lunged at my foe. He shrank back just out of reach and farther into the deep, darkened crevices of my room. I lost a visual and began frantically rearranging the nearest furniture, carefully and skillfully however, so as not to disturb my enemy's temporary feeling of safety.

When I located my foe once more I tried again with my baton to lure him out of the shadows. Instead he sank deeper! My heart was pounding now and my hands shaking with fear. I could only visualize in my head what would happen if this monstrosity should live and remain in my corner of the house. How many sleepless nights would I endure should this go on?!

I focused all my energy in thinking clearly now, despite my inner desire to run. Then I thought, how could I have forgotten such an important detail??? I reached for the best slaying weapon I have ever used in my entire life. The orange flip flop.

The beast was behind the bookshelf now. I grasped the front with both hands and slid it away from the wall. Clutching my torch (miniature travel flashlight) I located mine enemy. The flip flop was poised in midair as I planned my attack.

*SMACK*

I had decided on the "Scare then Smash" tactic (developed by me).

The foe skittered blindly away from the almost blow that had been delivered by the flip flop.

*WHACK*

An unfortunate miss but I was not to be discouraged. If anything I was now bent more then ever on destroying this beastie.

*SPLAT*

...


'Nuf said.

Say "Ahhhhh"

It is typical for most if not all people that when you go to the dentist at some point the hygienist will tell you to say "Ahhhh". The story I am about to recount is the story of how my "Ah" got stuck.

It started out as any other day... then I fell off my 6ft tall bed. Just, ya know, the usual things.

My alarm clock went off so I sat up and went to climb off my loft bed. My foot was only on the top wrung but I slipped off and went careening to the floor where I lay for a few minutes till I fell asleep once more.

Later on (mid afternoon) I had a dentist appointment. No biggy. I've never been afraid of the dentist. (Never had any cavities either). So I go and take a seat in the ever comfortable electronic reclining chair they use. The hygienist began working at my teeth and soon my mouth was opened nice and wide (I've always been good about that). She finished whatever she had been doing in my mouth for the moment and turned to switch tools so I went to close my mouth but I couldn't!

My mouth was stuck open.

Apparently I dislocated my jaw by opening too wide.Talk about terrifying though... Eternal gaping.

So calmly I said "Ah cahn't cloth eye owth"... The hygienist turned to me and said "You can't? Try for me." No offense but.. I JUST DID. Anyways I demonstrated how I couldn't so she went and got my dentist.

The dentist comes in a minute later with a smile on her face while saying something to the affect of "everything will be just fine." She then proceeded to take a seat next to me and began trying to manipulate my jaw around... Rather aggressively. Well, my jaw then cramped. The muscles literally spazzed out. So besides the fact that my mouth was in the fixated position of being open, it now hurt like heck.

Lovely.

So my dentist goes "Well you sure are stuck, you just sit tight for a minute". ha, ha... I learned a few minutes later that she was calling my oral surgeon to see if he could see me and get my jaw back in place himself. The hygienist then came back in and told me that my mum would take me to my oral surgeon's office. So I got up (You would not believe how much a dislocated jaw effects walking) and went out to the waiting room.

A side not: I was aware this whole time that, even though I was in rather a serious pickle, it sure probably LOOKED humorous. Unfortunate for me...

Anyhoo, my mum and I then walked out to get in the car and drive to the oral surgeon. We were almost to the car when, wonder of wonders, my jaw relaxed and closed nicely into place. I did a small happy laugh then instantly began bawling my eyes out.

You see, when your mouth is stuck open it's a very odd situation and you don't really realize how much you wanted to cry during the whole ordeal until it's over.

We still drove over to the oral surgeon's office to get an X-ray of my jaw, just to be sure it was now where it was supposed to be. It was. HALLELUJAH!

So now that's it's all over I unofficially have a sprained jaw. Fortunately this is a very good excuse to eat ice cream ;)

Summer Days

So my greyhound Digby has been learning the lay of the land around my house for about two weeks now. Many things are still strange and wonderful novelties to him. Such as the television. Black and white shows and movies he doesn't pay any mind to but then if we put in any sort of cartoons with lots of sounds and colors he gets VERY excited. He'll stand in front of our big screen and cock his head back and forth at each sound. The most fun thing about it is that if you pause or stop whatever is playing he starts to whine and bark at the TV. It's very easy to be amused when watching him.

Unfortunately there ARE some downers to having this new doggy.

I have enough trouble keeping my toes from getting hurt as it is, (Table legs and bed posts always seem to love to trip me) but Digby steps on my toes. It hurts. Imagine an 80lb dog stepping on your toes... And staying there happily until you get over the initial trauma and manage to free your foot. I'm seriously considering steel toed shoes...

I actually do other things with my life though than protect my toes and watch my dog.

The other day I went to the Rapids Water Park.

It was fun.

The Florida sun was not.

In Florida around noon you do not want to be near any WINDOWS let alone outside.

I'm all like "Alright this should be a nice day at the water park" :)
The sun is like "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA... you missed a spot with your sunscreen" >:D "Let's see how long it takes me to get your skin to be lobster-ized".

Thanks again, Florida. I love you too.

Rejection

It was one of those days. Rather tired and emotionally unstable. Those types of days always have something lying in wait for me.

Today it was babysitting.

I love babysitting. Children are precious to me... but... Well I was trying to get the 2 year old little girl to go to sleep so I started singing. I was most of the way through the song when all of a sudden she yells "STOP!!!". I stop singing and raise my eyebrow. Was she telling me to stop singing? Just to make sure that that was what she was telling me I started the song again and she instantly yelled at me to stop again. I guess lullabies are for babies... oh wait... Oh cruel rejection.

Same day mind you; The mother arrived home and was going to let her two tiny wiener dogs out. One decided it didn't want to come when she called it and seeing as she was holding the baby I went over to herd the little foot long dog out into the yard. I reached down to nudge the dog towards the door... Well that tiny dog tried to take off my finger... it wasn't too bad except I have been caring for my new over 80lbs Greyhound for the past few days and he is as sweet as can be, then I go over to babysit a two year old girl with two small dachshunds and all of sudden I have one too many fingers and the smaller of the two decides to try to take care of that.

I love children. But small dogs are not my specialty. Just a shout-out to all y'all small dogs: I'd like to keep all of my finger and toe appendages.

Side Note
My dog, Digby, discovered the world of squeaky toys. He will never again be satisfied with plain ol' toys. It started out as a source of laughter to watch him squeak, and squeak, and squeak, and squeak... but now I have a headache and will go to bed with squeaks haunting my dreams...

Tying Ties is Tiring.

So today I was meandering about my abode speculating on what I could do that might take away some of the summer boredom I have been feeling of late. Then I thought of it.

"I shall educate myself in the art of tying ties"

So I did. Now I am proud to boast the talent I now possess of tying ties. I can tie a 'four-in-hand' a 'half windsor' a 'full windsor' a 'shell knot' and last but not least... A bow tie. I am quite proud of my accomplishment. My bed post has been quite patient with me... I don't exactly have anybody to try this new capability on... So my bed post has been my victim. It probably would've looked like (to anyone spectating) I was trying to strangle my lovely piece of furniture... Especially when I accidentally came out with a noose instead of a windsor... Oh well, hopefully this won't happen again... Hopefully.

If you want to learn for yourself please follow the simple instructions above :)

Just a Side Memo

I made my own day a couple weeks ago by telling a middle school boy that he was battling a mind way over his head by arguing with me. Seeing his face was priceless. I take pleasure in the little things in life, especially cookies, even if the actual cookies aren't small.

Dear Weather,

Thank you for only being stormy a small portion of the days now. I really appreciate the blue sky. Especially when that is my only vice while living in this hell hole dung heap place.

Sincerely,

Joy

DO NOT DISTURB

Sleep is my holy sanctuary. Anyone who intrudes does it at their own risk. My mother always used to poke me to wake me up and now if anyone pokes me it transforms my whole being into a raging mess. I also am not to fond of early rising but if it's to do something I enjoy then I don't mind.

Last night my mum decided that I needed to wake up at 8 this morning so that I would be ready to leave the house at 9, I agreed and we went to bed. This morning, however, I woke up and was ready to go by 9 just like she told me to but... When I came out of my room I discovered she was still sleeping. Oh yeah that's the other thing, I hate being deprived of sleep when it's available to me.

A lighter note (because I'm afraid I find myself ranting and raving more than I should), I am completely broke because I gave in to my feminine impulse and bought the shoes. Okay so maybe that isn't such a happy thought. It really isn't. oh well. I have a new pair of shoes. heh.

I find myself thinking...
What if I robbed a bank wearing an Obama mask? No joke. The thought crossed my mind this morning. I mean wouldn't that be funny if they blamed him and I made off with the money? But seriously, the dude can't even sign his own papers let alone rob a bank, so I guess that's another brilliant plan down the tubes.

P.S. I am still feeling quite bluesy because of the weather. I am undeniably distraught.

I mean if this doesn't make you woebegone... 

Lost

As many of you probably know I am not so fond of Florida, and it seems that the feeling is mutual. I come back from a trip and what does it do? It decides that this gargantuan drought we've been having has come to an end and it's time for torrential rains and depressing weather until I lose my marbles. Oh Lordy... I haven't seen blue sky for DAYS! Okay time to think positive:

Rain Pros -
It waters the grass (But I don't care about grass...)
It makes me feel cozy... Unless of course I happen to have to go somewhere and have to walk through it, then it makes me feel like a cat after a bath all except I don't feel clean after I dry off.

Fail. Sanity is really on the brink when the Sunshine State isn't sunny. I feel so lost without my skin cancer causing rays of UV. So now I feel blue because the sky isn't. Oh woe and sorrow. Well have I made you depressed? Mission accomplished. Now you may feel discontent and lost along with me.

Side Story: Joy VS. Bugs


Speaking of insanity... For many long years cockroaches have been my enemy along with many other types of bugs but I have never actually killed one.

Until now.

It was a dark and stormy night when I saw a dark shadow twitching menacingly in a corner of my kitchen, I turned and beheld a cockroach staring me down with his glittering eyes reflecting the small light from my computer screen. I slowly stood to my full height... Then ran quickly out of the room. I hastily grabbed a can of bug slayer (I love that stuff) and stealthily returned to the kitchen. My opponent had remained in his corner and as I approached he glared at me as if daring me to get nearer. I took aim and sprayed! Alas He was not hindered and began to scurry away. I would not allow such a safe retreat! I sprayed again! And again! (So maybe my aim isn't so good). Finally I knew it was my last chance, he had managed to get across the kitchen and if I missed again he would escape at last under my refrigerator where he might reproduce into abounding multitudes of demons in cockroach form. I lunged forward and attacked with the full force of the bug slayer in my hands. He was hit! He writhed on the ground but I showed no pity. All that remained was a dead roach and a puddle of bug slayer surrounding him.

Alright so maybe it looked more like me frantically chasing a laughing roach across my kitchen all the while spraying the bug slayer wildly but all warriors have to start somewhere.

:)