Introverted Extrovert

Are you an Introvert or an Extrovert?

One little question we ask ourselves or get asked whenever we are curious about self discovery.

Our human minds are always seeking things to associate ourselves with whether it have to do with mind, body or soul.

Introvert or Extrovert. A simple 50/50.

Or not.

I don't really believe that people can be 100% anything. We are a beautiful rainbow of traits and characteristics that cannot be copied.

So back to the question.

I'll answer is for myself but first let me tell you a little about me and how I operate.

I find it hard to gather the motivation to purposely place myself in a highly stimulating social setting.

Once I'm out someplace I can play the part of "Happy to be here" and may even enjoy myself but believe me when I say getting home and winding down will probably be one of my favorite parts of the evening.

It's not that I'm antisocial.

I love people! 

Put me one on one with someone and I will talk life for hours. I'll listen and respond accordingly and give encouragement and empathy with all my heart. 

When I ask "What's up?" I mean it. It's not just a friendly greeting. Please, tell me what you are up to. I'd like to know because I care about you. Nothing pains me more than hearing (or reading) the response "Not much." I know I shouldn't take it personally but sometimes I do.

Same goes for "How are you?".

What does it take to convey to people that I genuinely care.

Looking at it from the other end...

How can I trust you to care about me when I answer such a question honestly?

The doubts run through my mind. 

"They just asked how I am and honestly, I'm doing terribly. Today has been the worst and I'm going through a bunch of stuff lately. Would they even care about that?"

So instead we answer,

"I'm good, how are you?"

It's difficult from both ends.

So, instead of going to a gathering and starting a whole bunch of small talk to meet people I stand quietly by and observe the interactions around me, feeling out the personalities and mannerisms of those I am surrounded by at the moment. I then dial down my real personality according to the set standard placed by the attendees. 

Chameleon status reached.

Am I an Introvert or an Extrovert?

I am both. 

No doubt my scale leans towards the "Introvert" end these days but those who know me are well aware of a crazy and wild side I enjoy showing when I feel completely at ease.

The truth is...

I am quite decidedly an introverted extrovert.

I will stay inside my head until proven that it's safe to come out and be myself.

I do believe a lot of people can relate to this. Unfortunately society has set standards and although they tell you it's okay to just be you what they're really saying is," Be yourself as long as you are like this."

That is so freaking hard. Trying to have my personality fit society's standards burns me out. Nobody should have to dial down what beautifully unique personality they have to become accepted.

We all have to get to a place where we are comfortable showing people who we really are.

And I know it's hard. Trust me. I don't think I'll be changing drastically anytime soon. It's definitely something I aspire to though!

And know this. I wrote this for myself and if it applies to you GREAT! If not, at least you'll know a little bit about how my personality type seems to operate.

Thanks for reading :)