Say "Ahhhhh"

It is typical for most if not all people that when you go to the dentist at some point the hygienist will tell you to say "Ahhhh". The story I am about to recount is the story of how my "Ah" got stuck.

It started out as any other day... then I fell off my 6ft tall bed. Just, ya know, the usual things.

My alarm clock went off so I sat up and went to climb off my loft bed. My foot was only on the top wrung but I slipped off and went careening to the floor where I lay for a few minutes till I fell asleep once more.

Later on (mid afternoon) I had a dentist appointment. No biggy. I've never been afraid of the dentist. (Never had any cavities either). So I go and take a seat in the ever comfortable electronic reclining chair they use. The hygienist began working at my teeth and soon my mouth was opened nice and wide (I've always been good about that). She finished whatever she had been doing in my mouth for the moment and turned to switch tools so I went to close my mouth but I couldn't!

My mouth was stuck open.

Apparently I dislocated my jaw by opening too wide.Talk about terrifying though... Eternal gaping.

So calmly I said "Ah cahn't cloth eye owth"... The hygienist turned to me and said "You can't? Try for me." No offense but.. I JUST DID. Anyways I demonstrated how I couldn't so she went and got my dentist.

The dentist comes in a minute later with a smile on her face while saying something to the affect of "everything will be just fine." She then proceeded to take a seat next to me and began trying to manipulate my jaw around... Rather aggressively. Well, my jaw then cramped. The muscles literally spazzed out. So besides the fact that my mouth was in the fixated position of being open, it now hurt like heck.

Lovely.

So my dentist goes "Well you sure are stuck, you just sit tight for a minute". ha, ha... I learned a few minutes later that she was calling my oral surgeon to see if he could see me and get my jaw back in place himself. The hygienist then came back in and told me that my mum would take me to my oral surgeon's office. So I got up (You would not believe how much a dislocated jaw effects walking) and went out to the waiting room.

A side not: I was aware this whole time that, even though I was in rather a serious pickle, it sure probably LOOKED humorous. Unfortunate for me...

Anyhoo, my mum and I then walked out to get in the car and drive to the oral surgeon. We were almost to the car when, wonder of wonders, my jaw relaxed and closed nicely into place. I did a small happy laugh then instantly began bawling my eyes out.

You see, when your mouth is stuck open it's a very odd situation and you don't really realize how much you wanted to cry during the whole ordeal until it's over.

We still drove over to the oral surgeon's office to get an X-ray of my jaw, just to be sure it was now where it was supposed to be. It was. HALLELUJAH!

So now that's it's all over I unofficially have a sprained jaw. Fortunately this is a very good excuse to eat ice cream ;)

Summer Days

So my greyhound Digby has been learning the lay of the land around my house for about two weeks now. Many things are still strange and wonderful novelties to him. Such as the television. Black and white shows and movies he doesn't pay any mind to but then if we put in any sort of cartoons with lots of sounds and colors he gets VERY excited. He'll stand in front of our big screen and cock his head back and forth at each sound. The most fun thing about it is that if you pause or stop whatever is playing he starts to whine and bark at the TV. It's very easy to be amused when watching him.

Unfortunately there ARE some downers to having this new doggy.

I have enough trouble keeping my toes from getting hurt as it is, (Table legs and bed posts always seem to love to trip me) but Digby steps on my toes. It hurts. Imagine an 80lb dog stepping on your toes... And staying there happily until you get over the initial trauma and manage to free your foot. I'm seriously considering steel toed shoes...

I actually do other things with my life though than protect my toes and watch my dog.

The other day I went to the Rapids Water Park.

It was fun.

The Florida sun was not.

In Florida around noon you do not want to be near any WINDOWS let alone outside.

I'm all like "Alright this should be a nice day at the water park" :)
The sun is like "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA... you missed a spot with your sunscreen" >:D "Let's see how long it takes me to get your skin to be lobster-ized".

Thanks again, Florida. I love you too.

Rejection

It was one of those days. Rather tired and emotionally unstable. Those types of days always have something lying in wait for me.

Today it was babysitting.

I love babysitting. Children are precious to me... but... Well I was trying to get the 2 year old little girl to go to sleep so I started singing. I was most of the way through the song when all of a sudden she yells "STOP!!!". I stop singing and raise my eyebrow. Was she telling me to stop singing? Just to make sure that that was what she was telling me I started the song again and she instantly yelled at me to stop again. I guess lullabies are for babies... oh wait... Oh cruel rejection.

Same day mind you; The mother arrived home and was going to let her two tiny wiener dogs out. One decided it didn't want to come when she called it and seeing as she was holding the baby I went over to herd the little foot long dog out into the yard. I reached down to nudge the dog towards the door... Well that tiny dog tried to take off my finger... it wasn't too bad except I have been caring for my new over 80lbs Greyhound for the past few days and he is as sweet as can be, then I go over to babysit a two year old girl with two small dachshunds and all of sudden I have one too many fingers and the smaller of the two decides to try to take care of that.

I love children. But small dogs are not my specialty. Just a shout-out to all y'all small dogs: I'd like to keep all of my finger and toe appendages.

Side Note
My dog, Digby, discovered the world of squeaky toys. He will never again be satisfied with plain ol' toys. It started out as a source of laughter to watch him squeak, and squeak, and squeak, and squeak... but now I have a headache and will go to bed with squeaks haunting my dreams...

Tying Ties is Tiring.

So today I was meandering about my abode speculating on what I could do that might take away some of the summer boredom I have been feeling of late. Then I thought of it.

"I shall educate myself in the art of tying ties"

So I did. Now I am proud to boast the talent I now possess of tying ties. I can tie a 'four-in-hand' a 'half windsor' a 'full windsor' a 'shell knot' and last but not least... A bow tie. I am quite proud of my accomplishment. My bed post has been quite patient with me... I don't exactly have anybody to try this new capability on... So my bed post has been my victim. It probably would've looked like (to anyone spectating) I was trying to strangle my lovely piece of furniture... Especially when I accidentally came out with a noose instead of a windsor... Oh well, hopefully this won't happen again... Hopefully.

If you want to learn for yourself please follow the simple instructions above :)

Just a Side Memo

I made my own day a couple weeks ago by telling a middle school boy that he was battling a mind way over his head by arguing with me. Seeing his face was priceless. I take pleasure in the little things in life, especially cookies, even if the actual cookies aren't small.

Dear Weather,

Thank you for only being stormy a small portion of the days now. I really appreciate the blue sky. Especially when that is my only vice while living in this hell hole dung heap place.

Sincerely,

Joy

DO NOT DISTURB

Sleep is my holy sanctuary. Anyone who intrudes does it at their own risk. My mother always used to poke me to wake me up and now if anyone pokes me it transforms my whole being into a raging mess. I also am not to fond of early rising but if it's to do something I enjoy then I don't mind.

Last night my mum decided that I needed to wake up at 8 this morning so that I would be ready to leave the house at 9, I agreed and we went to bed. This morning, however, I woke up and was ready to go by 9 just like she told me to but... When I came out of my room I discovered she was still sleeping. Oh yeah that's the other thing, I hate being deprived of sleep when it's available to me.

A lighter note (because I'm afraid I find myself ranting and raving more than I should), I am completely broke because I gave in to my feminine impulse and bought the shoes. Okay so maybe that isn't such a happy thought. It really isn't. oh well. I have a new pair of shoes. heh.

I find myself thinking...
What if I robbed a bank wearing an Obama mask? No joke. The thought crossed my mind this morning. I mean wouldn't that be funny if they blamed him and I made off with the money? But seriously, the dude can't even sign his own papers let alone rob a bank, so I guess that's another brilliant plan down the tubes.

P.S. I am still feeling quite bluesy because of the weather. I am undeniably distraught.

I mean if this doesn't make you woebegone... 

Lost

As many of you probably know I am not so fond of Florida, and it seems that the feeling is mutual. I come back from a trip and what does it do? It decides that this gargantuan drought we've been having has come to an end and it's time for torrential rains and depressing weather until I lose my marbles. Oh Lordy... I haven't seen blue sky for DAYS! Okay time to think positive:

Rain Pros -
It waters the grass (But I don't care about grass...)
It makes me feel cozy... Unless of course I happen to have to go somewhere and have to walk through it, then it makes me feel like a cat after a bath all except I don't feel clean after I dry off.

Fail. Sanity is really on the brink when the Sunshine State isn't sunny. I feel so lost without my skin cancer causing rays of UV. So now I feel blue because the sky isn't. Oh woe and sorrow. Well have I made you depressed? Mission accomplished. Now you may feel discontent and lost along with me.

Side Story: Joy VS. Bugs


Speaking of insanity... For many long years cockroaches have been my enemy along with many other types of bugs but I have never actually killed one.

Until now.

It was a dark and stormy night when I saw a dark shadow twitching menacingly in a corner of my kitchen, I turned and beheld a cockroach staring me down with his glittering eyes reflecting the small light from my computer screen. I slowly stood to my full height... Then ran quickly out of the room. I hastily grabbed a can of bug slayer (I love that stuff) and stealthily returned to the kitchen. My opponent had remained in his corner and as I approached he glared at me as if daring me to get nearer. I took aim and sprayed! Alas He was not hindered and began to scurry away. I would not allow such a safe retreat! I sprayed again! And again! (So maybe my aim isn't so good). Finally I knew it was my last chance, he had managed to get across the kitchen and if I missed again he would escape at last under my refrigerator where he might reproduce into abounding multitudes of demons in cockroach form. I lunged forward and attacked with the full force of the bug slayer in my hands. He was hit! He writhed on the ground but I showed no pity. All that remained was a dead roach and a puddle of bug slayer surrounding him.

Alright so maybe it looked more like me frantically chasing a laughing roach across my kitchen all the while spraying the bug slayer wildly but all warriors have to start somewhere.

:)