Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue...

Ah the ever discussed, loved, and hated discussion of Valentines Day.

Honestly I don't hate it despite the fact that I've never been able to really celebrate it with someone special. I look forward to that aspect of it in the future.

In the meantime, I will ever celebrate the day AFTER.

February 15th.

Chocolate Discount Day as I have so named it.

But, for now let's rewind back to the actual day.

Yes it's mushy and overly publicized and I don't think that sweet gestures like the things people do on Valentines Day should only be confined to one day but it's nice and I enjoy seeing the love being shared.

Yes, yes I'm a romantic.

Sue me.

However, I do have a single pet peeve (Pun intended).

So, every week we get fresh flowers delivered to the office where I work. They brighten the place up and they smell pretty so I enjoy having them around.

Unfortunately, since Valentines Day is at the end of this week we got a BIG bouquet of a dozen roses.

Don't get me wrong, it's absolutely gorgeous.

But it's only Wednesday and I've already lost count of how many old people have asked me things like...

"Ohhh how lovely, who got these???" *Twinkle in their eye and figurative teasing elbow jab*

"Are these YOURS???" *Kindly smile that says "Ah young love"*


No no no.

And eveytime I say, "No they're for the office" I get one of these numbers...

"Oh no I can't believe that. They have to be for you."

Um, no they don't.

But I've found that mentioning the "S" word (Single) to older folks evokes a sort of response as though you have a problem that can and must be fixed.

"But you're such a catch!"

Yes, but I'm not a fish.

I love being single. Sure I look forward to my future and whoever that includes but for right now they haven't made an entrance yet and I'm perfectly happy "wild and free" so to speak.

Valentines Day doesn't have to just be for lovers. Tell your family and friends you love them. Tell yourself. Tell Jesus :)

Have a LOVEly day!

Friday, January 30, 2015

Introverted Extrovert

Are you an Introvert or an Extrovert?

One little question we ask ourselves or get asked whenever we are curious about self discovery.

Our human minds are always seeking things to associate ourselves with whether it have to do with mind, body or soul.

Introvert or Extrovert. A simple 50/50.

Or not.

I don't really believe that people can be 100% anything. We are a beautiful rainbow of traits and characteristics that cannot be copied.

So back to the question.

I'll answer is for myself but first let me tell you a little about me and how I operate.

I find it hard to gather the motivation to purposely place myself in a highly stimulating social setting.

Once I'm out someplace I can play the part of "Happy to be here" and may even enjoy myself but believe me when I say getting home and winding down will probably be one of my favorite parts of the evening.

It's not that I'm antisocial.

I love people! 

Put me one on one with someone and I will talk life for hours. I'll listen and respond accordingly and give encouragement and empathy with all my heart. 

When I ask "What's up?" I mean it. It's not just a friendly greeting. Please, tell me what you are up to. I'd like to know because I care about you. Nothing pains me more than hearing (or reading) the response "Not much." I know I shouldn't take it personally but sometimes I do.

Same goes for "How are you?".

What does it take to convey to people that I genuinely care.

Looking at it from the other end...

How can I trust you to care about me when I answer such a question honestly?

The doubts run through my mind. 

"They just asked how I am and honestly, I'm doing terribly. Today has been the worst and I'm going through a bunch of stuff lately. Would they even care about that?"

So instead we answer,

"I'm good, how are you?"

It's difficult from both ends.

So, instead of going to a gathering and starting a whole bunch of small talk to meet people I stand quietly by and observe the interactions around me, feeling out the personalities and mannerisms of those I am surrounded by at the moment. I then dial down my real personality according to the set standard placed by the attendees. 

Chameleon status reached.

Am I an Introvert or an Extrovert?

I am both. 

No doubt my scale leans towards the "Introvert" end these days but those who know me are well aware of a crazy and wild side I enjoy showing when I feel completely at ease.

The truth is...

I am quite decidedly an introverted extrovert.

I will stay inside my head until proven that it's safe to come out and be myself.

I do believe a lot of people can relate to this. Unfortunately society has set standards and although they tell you it's okay to just be you what they're really saying is," Be yourself as long as you are like this."

That is so freaking hard. Trying to have my personality fit society's standards burns me out. Nobody should have to dial down what beautifully unique personality they have to become accepted.

We all have to get to a place where we are comfortable showing people who we really are.

And I know it's hard. Trust me. I don't think I'll be changing drastically anytime soon. It's definitely something I aspire to though!

And know this. I wrote this for myself and if it applies to you GREAT! If not, at least you'll know a little bit about how my personality type seems to operate.

Thanks for reading :)

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Adulthood? You're not welcome here.

I can't tell you how many times over the years in grade school that I wished for a life that consisted of ANYTHING other than school. Day in, Day out. You see, I was homeschooled so it's work at your own pace. Unfortunately, being the natural procrastinator I have always been, school was rarely only a few hours and many things would just continue to be carried over for days and weeks.

So many years of grade school.

And yet...

I am now employed full time. 9-5.


I took a semester off college to figure out what I want to do exactly. Which I have successfully done.

This time off has made me realize something very important.

I miss it!

There. I said it, Mom.

I miss school.

Wasn't sure that would ever be possible.

It's just no fun to be that one stick in the mud of a new found adult life while your friends are off at different universities meeting new people, doing new things, and progressing towards a degree.

It's hard.

I'm definitely gaining real life experience which, let's face it, college doesn't really give you. This has helped me in determining the route I plan to take for college, and although it's nothing spectacular it will give me what I will need in a career in the future to support myself.


That really is one of the most important things to me.

What will I be doing? Well, in February I begin a 5 month program to become a certified Esthetician.

(a.k.a. Facials specialist)

Pretty much all things facial beauty.

It will be a small night class consisting of 14 people that will meet 3 nights a week. If I'm lucky maybe there will be a gay guy to keep things interesting.

Now, I'm getting that certification just because I want it, not necessarily because I think i'll be able to make a lot of money with it.

My real degree starts this Fall. It's a two year degree for Opticianry.

The professional practice of filling prescriptions for ophthalmic lenses, dispensing eyeglasses, and fitting contact lenses.

In other words, it's in the medical field so it will always be needed but it doesn't actually involve me doing anything doctor-y. It's all technical basically.

One thing I keep asking myself, however...

How did I get here?

I find myself making the big decisions by myself. Part of that was necessity but part of it was also maturity and growth.

I feel like I'm somewhere that I don't belong. Like I'm still supposed to be dressing up like a princess and torturing my brother when he's stuck babysitting me.

A part of every single person in the world is still a child and I want that to always be true. 

As our minds and bodies mature and gather understanding and wisdom our hearts still hold onto the small child that just wants to wear their heart on their sleeve and play to their heart's content. We desire the innocence we have already lost. 

With adulthood comes responsibility upon responsibility and I realize that we tend to lose sight of the small things we were so sensitive to as children.


What if you greeted the adults you see like you greet a small child. Not in a patronizing way just full of genuine care. 

"Good morning! Wow your dress is so lovely today, is that new?"

"Hey, thank you so much for bringing those papers to me! That was so helpful."

"That was so nice what you did for that other person just now, you are very kind."

I have found it can be harder to get a friendly greeting from a busy adult than from an introverted highschooler. 

So no. Adulthood is not welcome here.

Maturity and kindness, yes. But adulthood? Nope. You can keep your grouchy, selfish self away from me :)

K thanks.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Junky Fitness

Many who know me well are aware that I am in favor of consuming most things excessively tasty. Cookies, ice cream, chips, and my most recent obsession... Popcorn.

If there was one picture that I felt so completely encapsulated my inner carnivorous being it would have to be Hyperbole and a Half's picture....
Anyhoo, on the side of the spectrum that is intended to cancel all that out...

I sincerely promise you that I have, at a couple of my weakest emotional points in the past, cried about working out. (Please take into account my previous anemia)

It't not that I'm a wuss. I just would rather have my three wishes from the genie. (R.I.P. Robin Williams)

I have, since that point, gained some emotional and physical stamina so I'm able and willing to try the whole fitness deal.

Now, take a step back and look at presented options for attempting to be physically fit.

1) Home Workout Routines.

Been there, tried that. I just don't have the self discipline to set aside time at home when I'm comfy being a potato.

2) Gym.

If I'm paying I will feel the obligation to go.
Gym girls.
I mean seriously.
It's like I found the other place the skinny, white, blonde chicks in Starbucks congregate.

And yes there are other ways like biking and running.
I like biking a lot.

Running is definitely another story.
I tried it once.

Blood, sweat, and asthma.

Not. Pretty.

So, I made my decision to join the gym. As it turns out, you can avoid a lot of psycho gym people if you go on a Friday night when it's mostly only the few average people without dates utilizing the space.

At least I can usually provide some entertainment for the staff and members.
Struggling with 5 and 10 pound weights, it seems, can be quite amusing to onlookers.

But here's to all the people who enjoy fatty food but try and fail, and try and fail, and try and fail, etc. to do something to battle the onslaught of weight gain!
HOORAH for Junky Fitness!!!

We may not get it the first time.
We may not be perfect clean eaters.
We may take a bit longer to get there.

And of course...

If at first you don't succeed, try try again :)

Monday, February 10, 2014

Insanity isn't all that bad...

I have realized that one must embrace the insanity that one cannot escape. For every one of us there is some sort of daunting task or accomplishment that gives our inner selves the symptoms of losing our sanity.

Sometimes it is because we are so busy accomplishing that task to do anything else.

And sometimes it's because we bit off more than we could chew when taking on the task in the first place.

For myself, the latter is true. 

When one must take college classes it helps to be knowledgeable as to what one is getting themself into. After having an entire semester of 4 classes under my belt I felt pretty confident when I registered for my second semester. However, I should have known better. 

A lab class, even though it is only one credit hour, has the same amount of work (if not more) as a regular 3 credit hour class.

I didn't know this when I registered.

So here I am swamped with work because I have 4 regular classes PLUS 2 labs.

You would think that by now I would know that giving up any attempt at a social life would be the wise thing to do but nooooo... I've decided to be stupid.

What's the point of insanity if you are never around any people to be frightened by it?

Display it for all to see! You've lost your dignity already so you might as well embrace it.

I know I have. I'm a bonafide nutcase. 

Now add a little insomnia to the mix.

On the average day I am either:
1) sleepy and unproductive all day or
2) temporarily hyper and talkative from coffee until it wears off and I become sleepy and unproductive

One of the only ways I can "handle" this lifestyle is by living one day at a time.

I can't look ahead a week.

I can't look ahead two days.

I do what I need to do one day at a time.

It sucks but one must cope with insanity some way or another.

My other way is with Nutella but we won't dwell on my unnecessary weight gain from high stress and chocolaty goodness.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Rendered Immobile

Let's take a break to look into my past. We shall go back even before the middle school phase where braces and acne to me were like taxes and a mortgage to an adult. We are going back to elementary school when my biggest concern was monsters and burglars.

Now don't feel sorry for my younger self while reading this. I have a very imaginative brain and when I was younger it ran rampant. No Joys were harmed in the making of this story.

I always feared going to bed. Always. I thought my strewn clothes were actually something trying to kill me, and don't even get me started on my closet doors.

One night in my childhood I woke up and got out of bed to go to the bathroom. Still sleepy and foggy eyed I stumbled into the bathroom and closed the door. I squeezed my eyes shut to turn on the light and slowly I opened them and became used to the bright florescents shining above me.

I finished up and washed my hands. I still had not thought of the time of night or the quiet throughout the rest of the house. I then turned to open the bathroom door...

Thoughts began racing through my head.

There is something right outside the door.



My hand hovered over the doorknob as I tried to pluck up my courage... I failed. I was frozen with fright. My eyes bulged as I listened for... well... nothing.

I slowly lowered myself onto the edge of the tub and sat as still as I could.

And there I sat.

For at least an hour I sat. The entire time I was trying to convince myself to open the door.

Of course there's nothing there. If I open the door there will be nothing there and I can go to be-- NO! WHAT IF THERE IS SOMETHING THERE?! THEN I'LL DIE!

It was a lost cause. I found some old towels and lined the tub with them so I could at least relax a little. I then lay down and... Fell asleep.

My dad found me the next morning curled up in the tub and, like a good dad, shut off the light and left me to sleep where I was.

Now I try to keep it a habit to sleep in my bed but there are sometimes when measures like this are necessary. I rest assured knowing that if there was a clown, or spider, or burglar outside my bathroom door... I SURE SHOWED 'EM!

More recently...

It was an especially terrible morning to be waking up. My alarm was blaring obnoxiously and I was groggy as all get out. I had started to climb down out of my loft bed when my foot slipped on the ladder...


Is this an acceptable way to start my morning?

So I went back to sleep. On my fizzy pink carpet. At the bottom of my ladder in a crumpled heap.

Now I don't wear socks to bed.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Fondue, I am Fond of You

Not even a week ago I remember commenting to someone that fondue was one of the silliest things I had ever heard of. I mean, melted cheese? And you eat it? I like cheese but...

Last night I went to a restaurant with a handful of my favorite people ever. It was a very high class fondue restaurant. My aunt and uncle paid for us cousins to enjoy a lovely dinner in honor of my cousin, the bride-to-be.

So... We (the six of us) were seated. We, of course, begin to discuss what we will be eating. 

"We'll be doing the four-course dinner," Bride announced. 

Go weak my heart for bliss that fills my soul.

STILL my doubt for cheese fondue is present in my mind so I am awaiting the first course tentatively. 

It arrived. Two fondue pots with two kinds of cheese. We all pulled forth our pokers and I wielded mine with gallant bravery as I stabbed a square of crusty bread and submerged it in the cheese.

Fondue by any other name would taste as delicious. I need not say any more about this melted wonder.

Second Course: Caesar Salad. Obviously delicious.

The third course was fun! We got to cook out own meat! 

But honestly. The fourth course was the best. CHOCOLATE FONDUE!

I dipped brownies in it. I dipped strawberries in it. I dipped cheesecake in it. I dipped rice krispies in it. I dipped red velvet cake in it. It was the most amazing chocolatey goodness in the entire world.

Take all the happiness you can imagine, multiply it by infinity, pour it into a bowl and add contentment and love, then bake it into a cake and eat it with happiness filling your heart, then take a nap. 

And that is how happy chocolate fondue makes a woman.

Dangit. Now I'm hungry.